Date:
Author: Emily Setty, Senior lecturer in criminology, University of Surrey
Original article: https://theconversation.com/sending-nudes-but-no-first-kisses-teenagers-relationships-during-the-pandemic-251875
Five years on from the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, the long-term effects of lockdown on education, mental health and social life are still being reckoned with. But for teenagers and young adults, one of the most profound – and often overlooked – impacts was on their romantic relationships.
At an age when in-person socialising, dating and sexual exploration are crucial for development, young people found themselves suddenly confined to their homes, cut off from their peers and reliant on screens for connection.
Over 2021 and 2022 I carried out a study, along with a colleague, in which we spoke with 38 young adults aged 18 to 25, and 80 adolescents at secondary school and sixth forms to explore how lockdown had affected their romantic relationships.
One 18-year-old captured the experience succinctly. “It was weird. Normally, you’d just meet people, talk, see how things go. But suddenly, everything had to be so intentional, so digital. It wasn’t the same.”
Our findings revealed more than just a temporary disruption. Lockdown exposed fundamental truths about the role of relationships in young people’s lives. While digital technology enabled connection, it could not fully replace in-person intimacy, often intensifying existing relationship dynamics rather than transforming them.
The constraints of lockdown also exposed the emotional, psychological and social work young people do to sustain, develop and sometimes end relationships – a process usually taken for granted.
More critically, the findings are a reminder of why in-person interpersonal life is so vital: not just for romantic or sexual development, but for identity, autonomy and emotional wellbeing.
Adolescence and young adulthood are critical periods for developing relationship skills, testing boundaries and forming identity. This was interrupted by lockdown. It stripped young people of spontaneous, embodied encounters – those fleeting, unplanned moments that form the foundation of relationships.
Physical cues such as body language, tone of voice and touch are crucial in building trust and intimacy. These were largely absent in a world mediated through screens.
Pandemic ghosting
For some, the absence of social scrutiny provided a welcome relief. Teenagers, in particular, described how lockdown gave them the space to reflect on relationships away from the judgment of their peers.
However, this detachment also made relationships more disposable. Without shared spaces – school corridors, coffee shops, parties – relationships became easier to avoid rather than directly manage. Conflict could be ignored with a simple act of digital silence.
One teen explained how during lockdown, arguments and conflicts were easier to avoid: “you don’t have any interaction in person to sort things out”. Another said that “if people were annoyed or upset… they’d… just disappear.”
Others felt the weight of losing key rites of passage: first dates, first kisses, casual social interactions that naturally build connections. For those on the brink of forming new relationships, lockdown stalled romantic development entirely.
Some described emerging from the pandemic feeling unprepared for dating or intimacy. They lacked confidence in their ability to read social cues or navigate face-to-face conversations. One young person described returning to in-person socialising as requiring the “skill of just speaking to
people… normally… I just found it like, what am I doing?
So, I had to try and re-learn that.”
Digital intimacy
For many young people, technology was a lifeline for their relationships during isolation. Video calls, messaging apps and social media provided ways to maintain emotional connections.
Cast Of Thousands/Shutterstock
However, this required more effort and conscious planning than in-person interactions, which some found unnatural or pressurising. Relationships became more performative. They required carefully curated responses and constant availability, rather than the easy, spontaneous flow of in-person interaction.
Some described how maintaining a relationship over text felt “all or nothing”. Without the casual reinforcement of everyday interactions, conversations often felt overly deep, forced or simply exhausting. Others found themselves trapped in relationships they might have otherwise drifted away from but felt obligated to sustain because, as one participant put it, “you’ve got nothing else to do.”
Young people described feeling obligated to be constantly available. They talked about how they ultimately had little to talk about and nothing to do. This meant ending up having empty and awkward conversations after a while, without a reasonable excuse not to participate.
The shift to digital also amplified the different vulnerabilities faced by young men and women, particularly in the realm of sexting and digital intimacy. Young women in particular reported increased pressure to send intimate images, as lockdown heightened expectations for virtual forms of connection. Some described engaging in unwanted image-sharing to maintain relationships. On the other hand, others found the period valuable for exploring intimacy digitally in ways that felt safe and empowering.
Despite the increased dependence on digital platforms, the young people we spoke to were clear: virtual interaction was no substitute for physical presence. Many expressed frustration at the limitations of digital connection, emphasising how much was lost when relationships lacked in-person spontaneity, playfulness and touch.
Lasting legacies
As we move forward, the legacy of lockdown may be twofold. On the one hand, digital tools will continue to play a key role in relationship maintenance. They have made long-distance intimacy and online connection more normal.
On the other hand, the collective yearning for in-person connection may reinforce the enduring value of physical presence. Many young people expressed a renewed appreciation for face-to-face interactions, recognising them as fundamental rather than optional.
For young people, the pandemic was not just about missing school or social events. It reshaped how they connect, love and negotiate intimacy. While digital technologies provided a stopgap, they could not replace the messy, unpredictable and deeply human experience of in-person relationships. One thing is clear. The social worlds of young people matter, and we must do more to protect and nurture them in times of crisis.