Date:
Author: Abigail Parrish, Lecturer in Languages Education, University of Sheffield
Original article: https://theconversation.com/how-to-make-a-change-in-your-life-and-stick-to-it-237248
Is there a change you’d like to make in your life? Perhaps you’d finally like to write the novel you’ve been thinking about for years. Perhaps you think you should start saving for a holiday or a deposit on a house or flat. Maybe you would like to improve your fitness.
That’s great. But we all know it can be hard to stick to these kinds of changes. Gym membership figures suggest half of new members quit within six months, and many of us have the evidence of once-loved hobbies scattered around our homes.
To write that book, for instance, you’re going to have to find time to do it, and stick with it when the going gets tough and initial enthusiasm has worn off.
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First, you should ask yourself why you’re doing it.
My research looks at the psychology of making changes through the lens of what is known as self-determination theory, which proposes that there are different forms of motivation. These range from, for instance, being motivated to do something because someone is making you do it, to being motivated because you think it’s fun.
Looked at like this, big changes, such as training for a new career, and smaller ones, like joining a weekly fitness class, are all the same. What matters is the reason you have for doing it.
Find the right reason
You might have more than one reason for making a change. Perhaps you want to start something because it’s a TikTok trend and everyone else seems to be doing it, or maybe the suggestion is coming from someone in your life. These are external reasons to do something, and this type of motivation is less likely to lead to success.
Focus on the ones that are “internalised” – that come from within yourself. If you can find a reason why the change is important to you and you have your own motivation to make it, you’re much more likely to stick with it. It needs to be something that is aligned with your values – something you believe in.
So what you’re doing doesn’t even have to be something you enjoy, as long as it’s something you feel is important to you.
Think of deciding to save money, for example. This isn’t an activity that is inherently fun for most people, but the act of saving might be important because of what it represents or leads to – the holiday at the end of it, or the house you could buy with the money you put away. When you start to waver in your goal, thinking of that personal reason will help you keep going.
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There are two other important concepts from self-determination theory mixed up in the idea of an action being aligned with personal values. When you do something that comes from your values, you should be acting with autonomy – doing something you want to do, not something other people have made you do.
That’s a key construct in the theory, but it can be hard to align with things like work or study. Perhaps your goal is to apply yourself at work or to get a good grade in your studies. But most people have a boss, or a supervisor, and their role is to instruct you on what to do.
If you’re a teacher, you have to work to the school’s timetable, whether you like it or not. But in the jobs where you are most motivated, you will be able to make some choices for yourself. Teaching is an interesting example of when this doesn’t work, because in England this very structured job has become even more so in recent years, coinciding with a recruitment and retention problem in the profession.
Teacher autonomy is widely studied and considered important even outside of self-determination theory, and a perceived lack of autonomy is likely to be one of the reasons people might want to quit their job.
Eyes on the goal
The other really important thing is your goal in making the change. The best kind of goal is an autonomous one, relating to something that is intrinsically important to you. This might be competing at a high level in your sport, because it will give you joy and satisfaction to be the best you can be. This means you will put up with hardships and challenges, and you will keep going even after a bad day.
By contrast, if your goal is an external one, you might find things more difficult. This includes if you’re doing something for a reward, rather than because something is personally important to you. So if you want to write a bestselling novel to become famous or rich, you may find that as the going gets tough, your motivation slips and work grinds to a halt.
If you are doing something because other people want you to, even other people who care about you, you will struggle. This may mean that some changes are just not meant to be – or it might mean changing your mindset and how you look at the goals you are aiming for.
Try to get the support of people who care about you and who you care about, whether this be family and friends, or a new community at your sports club, for example. And finally, keep an eye on your goals. Any change which you are engaging in for yourself because you value it and can see the benefits, is likely to be a lasting one.