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Author: Treena Orchard, Associate Professor, School of Health Studies, Western University
Original article: https://theconversation.com/ai-dating-is-about-data-not-love-how-to-resist-the-tech-takeover-of-romance-247090
As in-person dating activities make a comeback and the allure of dating apps fade, platforms like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge are becoming passé for millennials and Gen Z.
But while the era of dating apps is on the decline, people aren’t ditching the search for love altogether. There’s enough heart-shaped chocolates, red lingerie and silicone toys to keep us going for decades. The real question is: who or what is filling the void left by the dating app industry?
The answer is artificial intelligence.
Tech companies have woven AI into everything from facial recognition software to voice-activated assistants and sexbots. Now, it’s being inserted into online dating. As an anthropologist who writes about sexuality, dating and technology, this generates a lot of questions for me.
For instance, what are some of the ethical dilemmas this technology raises in terms of privacy and safety? What can we do instead of giving ourselves over to artificial intelligence when it comes to love and romance? As we navigate the complexities of love in the digital age, these questions demand thoughtful answers.
No one’s 20s and 30s look the same. You might be saving for a mortgage or just struggling to pay rent. You could be swiping dating apps, or trying to understand childcare. No matter your current challenges, our Quarter Life series has articles to share in the group chat, or just to remind you that you’re not alone.
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The spectrum of AI dating
AI has been quietly reshaping the dating landscape for years. Marketed as a hyper-efficient solution to securing optimum matches in record time, it’s easy to see how AI is more appealing than traditional apps. Who wouldn’t want to avoid the monotony of endless swiping or the possibility of ghosting?
AI tools like ChatGPT can also generate dating conversations and optimize user profiles. However, the results can be hit-or-miss. One writer said ChatGPT made her “sound like someone’s 50-year-old uncle on Facebook.”
Then there’s Meeno, a relationship advice app founded by former Tinder CEO Renate Nyborg. It uses generative AI and is designed to address loneliness among young people, especially men, who are statistically less likely to access help-seeking resources.
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The most popular AI dating assistant at the moment is Rizz, an app that had more than 20,000 daily downloads in 2024. Rizz analyzes screenshots of conversations on other platforms and crafts reply suggestions.
AI’s role in the dating world extends far beyond tools designed to help people connect — some users are forging actual relationships with AI chatbots.
Interestingly, men are twice as likely as women to consider an AI partner. This trend may be driven by differences in how men and women engage with technology, differences in societal expectations or a greater curiosity among men about combining AI with relationships.
Introduced in 2017, Replika was one of the first generative AI dating chatbots. Marketed as “an AI companion who is eager to learn and would love to see the world through your eyes,” Replika quickly gained a reputation for its explicit content.
When the company removed its adult content in 2023, users revolted so vehemently the functions were partially reinstated.
AI dating research
Security issues and data privacy are common concerns when it comes to AI, including romance scams and the sharing or selling of personal information. Equally scary is the prospect of queer folks being criminalized for using these dating tools in countries where being gay is illegal.
In terms of gender, the trends in this domain mirror those on dating apps — men are the prime users and designers of these platforms.
Given the pronounced gender inequities already present in our society and the rise in sexual violence perpetrated by men against women through technology, AI dating platforms risk deepening these systemic inequities.
AI’s impact on how young people learn about sex and dating is another important topic. A recent scoping review highlighted the dangers of AI resources that reflect conservative and unscientific worldviews about sex and romance. When exposed to such views, youth become at risk of developing internalized shame for being curious about sex, dating and cybersexual activities.
Another troubling aspect of AI in dating is the proliferation of fraudulent dating apps that employ chatbots. These apps lure users into installing a dating app and paying subscription fees to chat with existing users. However, the sole purpose of these apps is to cheat new users into paying money to fake accounts that are managed by chatbots.
Getting more groove in our hearts
More technology doesn’t necessarily mean better lives. If anything, it can actually contribute to the current “loneliness pandemic” that’s caused, in part, by our over-reliance on devices.
Selective doses of AI can be helpful to bounce ideas off of, or to help work through an unrequited crush, but if we permit AI to take over this vital aspect of life, our hearts could become lined with hollow connections. That’s the last thing we all need.
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The good news is that young people are hungry for more in-person experiences and they’re leading the resistance against the dating app industry. Nostalgia for previous eras, especially the 1990s and early 2000s, reflects a desire to experience a time when life was less stressful and more carefree. Analogue technology and other forms of physical media are coming back in a big way.
Vintage thrifting, cooking, game nights and do-it-yourself art projects are effective and fun ways to resist the AI creep, whether in dating or in daily life.
However, creating these options isn’t something you should have to do alone. Community organizers, cultural leaders and thoughtful influencers also have roles to play in AI-free activities and opportunities that foster connection. Think old school cultural events tailored towards niche demographic groups, like queer, gender-diverse and women-only spaces.
By creating and participating in these kinds of activities, you can cultivate experiences that help you make decisions about love and life on your own terms, versus being directed by what aggressive capitalist corporations want you to do.