Date:
Author: Elizabeth Westrupp, Associate Professor in Psychology, Deakin University
Original article: https://theconversation.com/why-is-my-kid-using-a-baby-voice-how-can-i-manage-it-240436
Pweeeeese! I want cwacker!
If you’ve ever found yourself cringing when your child suddenly starts talking in a high-pitched, baby-like voice, you’re not alone.
Many parents and caregivers find this behaviour jarring — and yes, a little bit annoying.
Why do older children sometimes revert to baby talk? And what can you do to manage it?
Why do kids use a baby voice?
Children may revert to speaking like a baby when they are seeking comfort, affection and reassurance.
For children, being a baby reminds them of a time when they were safe, and all their needs were taken care of. When they revert to using a baby voice, they are signalling to us they’re feeling vulnerable, tired, stressed, uncertain or overwhelmed, and are wanting more connection and practical help from us.
Most regressions are normal, and very common. In fact, healthy learning and development is never perfectly linear. This is reflected in nature, where there are cycles of rapid growth followed by periods of rest and dormancy. After a burst of development, children can be tired, or miss having the same level of support from us.
Children are also more likely to use a baby voice when they’re managing a change or stressful life event. For example, the birth of a new baby in the family, starting school, moving house, or parents separating, are common times when children need more support.
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Help! Why is a baby voice so annoying?
As parents and carers, it can be confusing and grating when our older, capable child seems to be moving backwards in development, and using a voice they used many years ago.
Parents might associate a baby voice with neediness, or immaturity, and feel anxious about what this means for their child’s development.
In the past, this behaviour was viewed as a problem.
So the advice was to ignore it and only respond when children use their normal voice. However, this can can create shame in our child and make them afraid to express their feelings and needs.
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Tips for managing baby voice
Developmentally, there’s no problem with children occasionally using a baby voice, so we don’t need to try to stop this behaviour.
Instead, we can be curious. What might be happening for our child?
1. Acknowledge their feelings: we can empathise with, validate and accept our child’s underlying emotions. And then try to meet their need for safety and connection. We might say:
Oh my love, sounds like you’re finding everything hard today, and can’t manage putting your shoes on? Are you feeling tired?
2. Meet their needs: if they’re wanting extra help or connection, we should give it. We can think of this as a “refuelling” pit stop – they might need a little extra care as they manage their current stage of development, or cope with a change. We can say:
I’d love to help you put your shoes on, let’s do it together. How about you do the socks, and I’ll tie your laces?
Remember, providing extra help doesn’t mean you’ll always have to do so. Children have a natural drive towards skill development and independence. When they have the energy, they’ll want to keep practising their skills.
3. Be kind to yourself: if your child’s baby voice is getting on your nerves, it’s understandable, and normal. Providing extra care can be taxing, and sometimes it’s hard to find that extra energy. We can remind our child that we all need rest.
I hear you’re so tired today and want my help. The problem is I’m feeling so tired too! I wonder if we can help each other? Can we start with a big cuddle?
4. If in doubt, seek help: if your child shows other signs of developmental regression for more than two weeks, talk to your GP.
Depending on age, this might include lost skills related to language and communication, walking and balance, self-care (such as dressing, toileting), sleeping, or becoming more clingy, having meltdowns and losing interest in interacting or playing with others.